If you’ve just been told you have HIV, you may be feeling upset or confused. You may want to share that with other people. But it’s probably not a good idea to rush into telling people that you have HIV before you’ve got used to the news yourself.

Although you will still be able to tell people later on, you can never ‘un-tell’ someone.

For each person who you are thinking of telling, ask yourself what you are hoping to achieve by telling them. Try thinking about how they will feel on hearing the news. Imagine the best way they could react – and the worst.

You may also want to think about the best time and place to raise the subject, and make sure that you only tell people you can trust to keep it to themselves. Did you tell anyone that you were going to have an HIV test? If you did, it’s worth thinking about how you’ll answer their questions.

Telling an employer is very different from telling a parent, and different again from telling a friend. Talking to a sexual partner is nothing like any of the above.

You don’t have to tell everyone, and certainly not everyone at once.

You don’t have to tell anyone at all if you don’t want to.

Some people you tell may not know much about HIV, or may have lots of questions. You might find it useful to have factual leaflets about HIV to hand to provide reassurance.

Generally, people’s reactions will depend on what they know, or think they know, about the subject. There are lots of fears and myths associated with HIV. Some people you tell may be hostile or unkind, and may spread gossip.

On the other hand, telling the right person can be a very positive experience. It can help you to get support when you most need it, and it can sometimes make relationships stronger.

Back in the 1980s and early 1990s, effective HIV treatment didn’t exist, and many people with HIV died at a young age.

That’s no longer the case, and many people with HIV can now expect to have a near-normal life expectancy.

With currently available treatments, most of us can expect to live into our 60s and beyond. What’s more, it’s likely that new drugs will be discovered in the future, and those drugs may keep us healthy for longer.

HIV doesn’t have to stop you from carrying on with the rest of your life. Many of us do take more care of our health. We may go through a period of adjustment, and reconsider our priorities. But most people with HIV do carry on with their jobs and their usual activities, have relationships, and make plans for the future.

If you’re currently in work and are feeling healthy, there’s no reason why you should stop work because you have HIV. Treatments mean that most of us are in good enough health to continue with our work or studies.

As a general rule, your employer doesn’t need to know about your HIV status. If you’re worried about gossip being spread, you may want to keep the news to yourself. On the other hand, if your employer knows, it may be easier to have time off for appointments or to deal with periods of sickness.

By the way, it’s illegal for an employer to discriminate against employees (or potential employees) because they have HIV.

If precautions aren’t taken, there is a risk of a mother passing HIV on to her baby during pregnancy, childbirth and breast feeding.

But many women with HIV have given birth to healthy children, by taking the following precautions:

• taking anti-HIV drugs during pregnancy
• making a careful choice between caesarean section and vaginal delivery
• not breastfeeding
• giving the new baby an anti-HIV drug for a few weeks.

If you follow all of these safety measures, it’s extremely unlikely that your baby will be HIV positive.

Taking anti-HIV drugs during pregnancy will protect your baby from HIV, and you may also need them for your own health. Although a planned caesarean section is often recommended, if your health is very good, a vaginal delivery may be possible.

If you’re thinking about having a baby, but aren’t pregnant yet, it’s worth speaking to your doctor first, so that he or she can check if you are in good enough health to have a baby safely.

Your doctor can also tell you about how to get pregnant without putting your partner at risk of infection.

Becoming a father

HIV can be passed on from mother to baby during pregnancy, but it cannot be passed directly from the father to baby.

Nonetheless if your partner does not have HIV and you have unprotected sex, there is a risk that she will be infected with HIV. To allow you to have children safely, a process called ‘sperm washing’ may be available.