After being diagnosed, parents often ask themselves 'What will happen to the children if I die?' Subsequently, some parents will start to making plans for the care of their children. Many parents assume that a relative or friend will care for their children, although they may make no definite arrangements.

Sometimes the thought of not being around to care for the children causes so much emotional pain that the parent will not be able to start making any plan. In other situations, parents defer making a plan because they believe there will be time in which to do it.

Emotionally, very few parents ever believe that someone can care or love their child or their children as well as they would, while providing a similar lifestyle for their children. This often results in parents being ambivalent about the carer's abilities and lifestyle. It is also extremely difficult for a parent to acknowledge that someone else could 'take their place'.

Many parents find it difficult to involve their children in planning because they feel unable to cope with possible emotional reactions of their children. Instead the parent may try to find out indirectly what the child may want. It is better in this situation for the parent to have an idea about who the carer will be, rather than asking the child a very open question.

Any response from the child will evoke both positive and negative emotions in the parent.