Children will have different reactions when they are told that a family member is HIV–positive. Because children's reactions differ to adults, it is often useful for a parent to have advice or support from someone who is experienced in working with children and young people. Children's reactions to being told this type of information will also be influenced by their age, their ability to express themselves and family permission to do this, as well as their own thought processes.

Some parents will need assistance in recognising that the child or young person may react negatively to this type of information. These parents may need help in relating their own grief reactions to being told about their HIV diagnosis with the reactions of the child.

Children's responses, like adult responses, will often occur over a period of time. They will experience reactions which are known as the grief cycle because they are experiencing a loss, even though this may not be the physical loss of a person. They may be losing what they see as their normal family life. They may think about the person dying, and they may lose the stability and security of being in the family home, or lose certain types of interactions with the person with HIV. If it is the child or young person who has HIV, they may lose their hopes for the future, hopes of having a family, employment or education. These fears need to be addressed with honesty and optimism.

For some children or young people who have guessed a family member is ill or has HIV, their reaction may be of relief that it is confirmed and relief at not having to pretend that they didn't know.

A child or young person may appear to have no reaction at all to being told. This is not because they don't understand the implications of the information, or that they have no strong reactions to the information. They may need to time to think about everything by themselves, or they may worry about how their parents will cope with their reaction.

Children and young people may even feel unable to react in front of their parents in case of upsetting them because showing any emotions is not normally acceptable. The child/young person may be in such a state of shock that no emotions surface.

If the parent or another adult can be supportive to the child or young person, the child can then discuss their feelings, fears and questions, and express some of the emotions they are experiencing.