It may be helpful for parents to have someone to discuss their decision about disclosure as well as thinking about the words to use. They may think of other ways of telling their children, which will be suitable to their particular situation. Parents may find it helpful to role play what they might say, or write the words down, or find a book explaining HIV which the parent can read to the child/young person, such as Jimmy and the Egg Virus.

Many parents decide only to tell the child or young person that they have an illness, but not that it is HIV–related. This may be all that the child or young person needs to know, and more detailed information can be given later.

The parents will need to gauge what their child can cope with in terms of information. Young children may understand a simple concept of illness or about HIV. For example, 'Everyone has good cells in the body which are called white cells. These cells help you stay well. I have some bad cells in my body, which mean I might get tired or sick sometimes'.

Explanations may develop from ordinary situations such as when the child goes to visit a doctor if they are unwell. The doctor may say they have a cold virus. The parent could then develop their explanation about HIV by saying that they have 'a different virus from the virus that made the child sick with a cold. This virus doesn't go away and so sometimes mummy/daddy feels sick and might not be able to play with you' or 'this is why daddy/mummy had to go to hospital so the doctors can give medicine to try and make him/her better'.

As the child grows up the correct name for the virus can be given, if it is appropriate. Older children and young people can be told very similar information which builds on their understanding of the nature of illness, functions of the body and discussions about sex or drug use.

Older children and young people may have seen information in the media or had talks about HIV at school. Sometimes because of this or because the young person is aware of a parent's past history, the young person may guess that a family member has HIV.

What to tell the child or young person will also depend on the verbal and non–verbal clues, from the child which indicate how they are coping with the information. For example a child may be overwhelmed and respond by withdrawing, changing the subject or by leaving the room.

Parents will need to talk to their children about the importance of confidentiality of this information. This could mean the child is clear about who else knows the diagnosis and/or they can talk to a specific person. Children should be told if they are not allowed to tell anyone else under any circumstances. There also needs to be an age appropriate explanation about why they cannot tell others – for example, that some people have negative ideas about HIV and are not very nice about it.