It’s up to you who you tell, and when you tell them, that your child has HIV.

You don’t have to tell playgroups, schools or other parents. Illnesses, absence, and medicines can all be explained without reference to HIV.

If you do plan to tell someone else about your child’s HIV, think carefully about your reasons for doing this. Does the person really need to know? Will it make a positive difference to the wellbeing of your child? Who else might this person tell? What will the consequences be if other people find out?

There can be benefits from telling people about your child’s (or your own) HIV status. Most importantly, it can open sources of love and support, or make services easier to obtain. It’s good to know that many people have had very good experiences after telling others about their child’s HIV or their own, and have found that loved ones, friends and professionals have done their best to help.

Staff at the clinic and at HIV support organisations will be able to talk through the pro’s and con’s of telling people about your child’s health and HIV.

It is possible, even likely, that your child will be asked by friends at school about their time off for things like clinic visits and illness, or why he or she needs to take medicines. When you talk to your child you can tell them that their illness is nothing to be ashamed of, but that it’s private. You can also think of some potential answers to give to other children about absences or taking medicines. It’s often useful to keep these answers vague.

As your child gets older, they may want to tell more people about their HIV status (and this may become more important once they start thinking about having sexual relationships; see The future). You will need to help them think through the impact of telling more people, how they might do it and the best time to do it.