Becoming an assertive woman

I was born in 1977, during the apartheid regime. This situation forced my parents to cross the border for the liberation struggle, when I was four months old. I was raised by my grandparents (my mother’s parents). Life was very difficult for me without parental love and comforts.

I was very intelligent in school and in 1994, I managed to complete my grade 10 (matriculation) at one of the secondary schools in the country. Life was very tough for me. Living with a lot of learners from different regions was very challenging for me, especially as I only had one pair of shoes. I didn’t have all I wanted at high school because of my living standard at home. I always looked different to others in school.

Peer pressure was too strong for me to handle, and eventually I gave myself to a man and lost my virginity at the age of 19. I didn’t have the power to negotiate about safer sex, though I knew all the risks involved. He was too powerful. I became his toy. The promised love became torture and daily abuse: physically, verbally and, much more, emotionally. Though I had my grandmother, who I regarded as my own mother, I could not tell her about  it.

Though I managed to get cash in my pocket every time I wanted to, I became pregnant. All my grandmother expected from me was to make her proud, things turned upside down for me the day I was told I was pregnant by a local clinic. Out of confusion, I decided to run away from home and be with this man. The abuse became so intense, but I could not go back home. Sex become a nightmare since it was always coercive. He started beating me day and night.

In 1997, I gave birth to my beautiful daughter. She brought joy and happiness to my life despite the daily torture.

I was diagnosed with HIV in September 1999. I was powerless and too filled with fear to speak to anyone about my condition. Due to the abuse, I couldn’t access family planning. I fell pregnant again and was blessed with a second beautiful daughter in 2003, having taken part in a PMTCT [prevention of mother-to-child transmission] programme.

I started to think of my girls’ future. I approached  the local nurse for supportive counselling. She enrolled me in the HIV and AIDS programme for more training. After three months I managed to get a job at the local VCT [voluntary counselling and testing] centre.

During my work, I started to encourage other women to be assertive. I started a support group through a non-government organisation and started to interact with more people in my community. I regained my confidence, despite the virus in my blood stream.

I made a vow not to die of an HIV-related illness. For the past 13 years, I have been living with the virus in secrecy and last year I started antiretroviral treatment, through my GP, because of severe skin rashes. I started to eat healthily, and within six months my viral load was undetectable. My elder daughter, who is thirteen, is my treatment supporter, together with my medical aid counsellor.

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